MY STORY
Spiritually Fly means stepping out of your comfort zone, designing your spiritual practice in a way that's authentic to you, and using whatever tools that are going to support your personal evolution, tools that are going to aid you in transformation, and help you shed any stuff that's keeping you from being your greatest self." Faith Hunter. My story is one of striving to be "Spiritually Fly."
My story begins with a dark childhood filled with trauma and abuse. So dark that if I told you exactly what all it entailed you wouldn’t believe me. On the surface, however, my family looked like the “American dream.” Nice house, cars. We had it all. We used money to cover up and hide the truth of what was going on behind closed doors.
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Like most trauma survivors, to survive I blocked the abuse from my conscious memory. But the trauma buried in my subconscious mind ruled every part of my being. I used dissociation to survive the trauma. Dissociation became my way of life. I grew up lacking all sense of self: self worth, self love, self-confidence, self-awareness. I grew up completely dissociated and shut down. I was beyond damaged. I was unable to give or receive love. So I spent my entire life trying to prove that I wasn’t worthless. I became a perfectionist and over achiever. I had to prove to the world that I was someone of value even though I was dead inside.
My path to spiritual awakening... In college, I began my healing journey and started tearing down the walls of the prison around my heart. I had my first, all be it vague, memory of my childhood abuse. This memory moved me to get help. I took my first step toward recovery through traditional talk therapy. I spent years and years in therapy, and eventually joined a sexual abuse support group. I had participated in the support group for two years when I had a major breakthrough. I realized I was stuck. All the members of the support group, including myself, just kept rehashing our traumas, never moving forward. We were stuck in the role of victim. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, leaving my support group was my first step towards self empowerment. I left that support group, and vowed to stop living my life as a victim. I dedicated myself to moving on. My next addiction? Self help books. I began reading every self help book, every surviving trauma book, I could get my hands on.
All these tools, talk therapy, support groups, self help books were important tools for progressing along my path of healing. This first section of my healing journey was focused all on the intellectual process of understanding the trauma and the affects on the physical body, especially the mind. But these tools missed THE key factor to healing and spiritual awakening, feeling the feelings. I remained shut down. I remained dissociated and beyond busy over achieving, keeping my feelings associated with the trauma buried at all costs. Running from my feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt, anger, fear, and being unlovable. I remained riddled with insomnia, and anxiety. I continued a pattern of trauma and self abuse by eating unhealthy foods, keeping beyond busy, and beating myself up physically. It was during this time that I got married and raised a family. Although my three kids, now adults, were the greatest gift and greatest accomplishment of my life, I have struggled with the fact that I wasn’t the best wife and parent I could have been. Even with all the healing work done up to that point in time, I was still shut down and dissociated. I failed to be present. If we aren’t present with those we love, no matter how much we love them, they can’t feel the full affects of our love. And we can’t truly be present until we face our demons and feel the feelings.
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The next big chapter in my spiritual growth and healing journey involved being divinely guided to implement several new, monumental tools into my life. These tools were exactly what my soul needed to move forward towards Ascension. I did not intentionally go out in search of these life changes. Each of these tools magically appeared in my life exactly when I was ready to take the next step forward. Each of these steps forward led to major changes within my daily life, including a more wholistic eating regime, detoxing my home, my body, and my mind.
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My journey to a wholistic eating regime began out of desperation to help my youngest son who struggled with physical, mental and emotional hardships during his young life. For my son, I discovered a Paleo lifestyle. Although today I follow more of a vegan paleo lifestyle, Paleo taught me several key changes to the foods I chose to eat. I grew up on a farm where the primary focus at every meal was meat, potatoes and other simple starches. “Vegetables? What is so important about vegetables?” I used to wonder. Paleo taught me to only eat organic, whole foods, healthy fats, and lots of vegetables. Nothing processed and nothing with a shelf life. Paleo taught me to avoid gluten, dairy and sugar. All life changing adjustments. While the Paleo lifestyle isn’t for everyone, it did teach me how vital it is to listen to our bodies when we eat. We are wise beings. Our souls know what is best for our bodies to function at its fullest potential. The key here is to be present and tune in! I didn’t choose to become vegan. My body chose for me. I loved my Paleo life style, until one day my body started rejecting meats. I will never forget while traveling for work, eating my favorite organic salad in the Oakland International airport, my body rejected chicken for the very first time. And it didn’t stop there. Soon I couldn’t eat pork, beef, and even my favorite, seafood. Over time I have witnessed how becoming vegan not only changed my physical health but also elevated me spiritually. For anyone who might be interested in exploring the Paleo eating regime, and learning more about intuitive eating, I recommend two exceptional books “The Paleo Cure” by Chris Kresser, and “Food: What the Heck Should I Eat” by Mark Hyman, MD.
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While detoxing my eating habits I was introduced to “A Mind of Your Own” by Kelly Brogan, MD, a New York Times bestseller focused on “The truth about depression and how women can heal their bodies and reclaim their lives.” If I had to sum up this book in one word, okay two words, it would be SELF EMPOWERMENT! As human beings we tend to place our importance, our self worth, on the exterior world around us, on material acquisitions, on our relationships. Our true potential, our true POWER lies within. We can’t get it “out there.” No matter how much money way we have, no matter who we know. Kelly Brogan taught me the importance of detoxing my environment, not just the food we eat, but also the inside of our homes. From reducing our exposure to toxic plastic, and the purification of the air in our home via house plants and air filters, to filtering the water we drink, the water we use to bathe in, and so much more. This book elevated my being to a wholistic new level. Our bodies are our soul’s spiritual vessel. To move towards enlightenment it is vital to HONOR this vessel. We must be aware of what we put in to our bodies, what toxic chemicals we expose ourselves to. And set a goal to improve the quality of the environment around us. One key lesson I learned from both Paleo and detoxing is that moderation is key. Bottom line, we are human beings. And drawing a line across the sand sets us up for failure. And don’t get me wrong, failure is a huge tool for spiritual growth! But BALANCE is key! Take it from a perfectionist, moderation raises our vibration, by letting go of control.
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It wasn’t until I discovered yoga and meditation that I finally started the healing work that would change my life forever. I had received guidance to add a daily meditation practice to my routine, but for years I struggled to fully commit. I managed to sporadically dabble with meditation, all the while knowing I needed to devote myself the practice. Everything I had ever heard or read regarding meditation said that it must be practiced daily to truly feel the affect in our lives. My children were grown and off to college by the time I reached this phase of my journey. It was my oldest daughter who invited me to my first yoga class while home for a holiday break from school. I was immediately hooked. At the time I practiced yoga for the typical Western motivation of the practice, the physical aspect. It wasn’t until later that I learned of the spiritual, meditative aspect of yoga that is so life changing. Today my passion is Hatha Yoga. Hatha yoga is deeply rooted in meditation, by pairing yoga to breathwork, and increasing our life force. The Sanskrit word Hatha literally means "force." Sadhguru stated "You can explore Hatha Yoga in ways that take you beyond certain limitations, but fundamentally, it is a physical preparation - preparing the body for a higher possibility." Although I love the community and energy of practicing at a yoga studio, when my all time favorite yoga studio closed down due to Covid, I discovered the Daily Yoga app, a fantastic app for anyone wanting to dabble with the practice.
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Also during this time my oldest, clairvoyant daughter, presented me with the next gift that would propel my spiritual and healing path forward, The Ziva Technique, a meditation book by Emily Fletcher, “Stress Less Accomplish More: Meditation for Extra Ordinary Performance.” The key take away for me from reading this book? The magic of meditation is found in a committed practice of meditating twice a day every day. Sure, life will sometimes interfere, but the real magic begins when you commit whole heartedly and make it your top priority. Think you are too busy to meditate twice a day? I sure did! But magically my life actually became LESS busy by simply adding a twice a day meditation practice to my already too hectic schedule. For me, meditating twice a day changed my life forever. Not only did it quiet my obsessive monkey mind, decrease my insomnia, decrease self abuse, and calm my extreme anxiety, it also increased my productivity, and opened my life up to the magic and synchronicities that are possible for each and every one of us. Twice daily meditation is a game changer!
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During this same phase of my journey I was introduced to Michael Singer’s book, The Untethered Soul, by my Aunt, a very wise old soul. I will be honest here, I couldn’t stand the first chapter of the book, I almost quit three times! But thankfully I didn’t because this book was the next monumental tool that changed everything. This book taught the importance of truly letting go. Let go and let Source. Let go and let life happen. The key to letting go? To open ourselves up to FEELING EVERYTHING. As human beings living on planet Earth we are programmed to avoid extreme feelings. Add any sort of trauma to the equation and we want to avoid feeling at all costs. I had lived my whole life shut down. Living Untethered taught me the importance of living life wide open. Facing the demons, feeling the feelings, healing and releasing. The Untethered Soul teaches us to not cling to the past, the present or the future. Life happens FOR US not too us. Each experience here on planet Earth provides us an opportunity to learn, heal, grow and raise our vibration. The end result? True freedom.
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You might be wondering…What do I mean by “Let go and let Source?” Let go and let Source is to let go of control and simply GO WITH THE FLOW. Stop trying to control EVERYTHING. Our souls came here with an agenda. Each soul’s agenda is unique. We are here on planet Earth to fully experience life. All of it, the highs and the lows. We are not meant to "avoid the lows at all costs" as they truly provide the greatest opportunities for healing and growth. Our souls came here to evolve spiritually. Our egos, however, fight to control our reality and resist the soul’s agenda. WHAT WE RESIST PERSISTS! As Aaron Doughty stated, "Attachment to an outcome equals resistance. Resistance blocks the outcome we desire. LET GO TO LET IN!" Letting go, not resisting, and simply living in and fully experiencing the present moment, results in a life of flow, a life of serenity.
The next milestone along my spiritual journey was discovering Gaia, a website devoted to everything spiritual. I became a Gaia junkie. I couldn’t get enough. Although there are thousands of shows, podcasts, meditations by numerous gurus from numerous different fields, the one show on Gaia that thoroughly taught me all the dynamics of spirituality was the Mystery Teachings Series. In this one series alone I learned more tools than I thought possible. This show literally lays the foundation of the spiritual world we exist within. Gaia gave me the gift of spiritual knowledge and my spirituality sky rocketed. I found my connection to the divine energy, to the Universe. This started a very magical phase of my life.
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I had always been beyond skeptical growing up and throughout my early years of adulthood. I was analytically driven in all areas of my life. I had to “see it to believe it.” I was skeptical about “spirituality” and “spiritual people.” I doubted the existence of ghosts, life after death, and the ability to channel beings that have passed on to the other side. However, I have always known from somewhere deep down inside me that everything on planet earth is energy. And ENERGY NEVER DIES. Energy may alter its form but it never stops existing. The Mystery Teachings helped me understand this and so much more.
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